My mother is bugging me to go to a family reunion next weekend. She sends me this email:
I really hope you and Will make it out to the reunion. There are so many members of our family that have never met you. My cousin is coming from Canada, and your uncle is coming from Florida. There will be about 40 people or more all related.
Okeedokee. So I am going to the family reunion. I am only going to know 4 people at this whole shindig, which is just fine. I can work a room. I can mingle with 36 strangers. I'm a pro at this actually, with years of mingling practice. It'll be like a bad Chamber of Commerce mixer:
"Nice to meet you, too!" (Fake smile)
"Uh-huh" (Acting interested)
"Really?" (I am soooooooo very intrigued by everything you are saying....)
My main question in regards to all this hoopla is: How important could these people possibly
be if I lived a quarter of a century without ever even knowing their names
? In fact, as I write this, I couldn't tell you one of the 40 or more related people that will supposedly be present (except the Canadian cousin and uncle from Florida).
My other main questions is: Will there be chips and dip? And will it be good dip? Not that bullshit store-bought ranch dip in a tub. I'm talking about 7-layer dip. Onion dip. Homemade guacamole.
I can deal with the not-really-family family. What I cannot deal with is bad dip.